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This post shares my personal story of anxiety and the strategies I’ve developed and adapted along the way to soften the symptoms and lead a more balanced, joyful life. My hope in sharing is that others may recognise their story in mine, and feel able to adapt these strategies to suit their own lifestyle.
Anxiety and Me
I have always tended towards anxiety, although I think I learned to hide this part of me from a young age. People that don’t know me well often describe me as patient, calm and stable – which I can be – but, most of the time, I’m not!
Although undiagnosed, I’m pretty certain I have ADHD (which doesn’t help) as my mind is rather like my teenage bedroom – cluttered, disorganised, and awash with half-finished projects. I think the hiding part is what compounded the symptoms – worrying about presenting myself as the perfect partner, parent, friend, colleague – rather than accepting myself as the perfectly lovely, kind, albeit kooky and chaotic, person that I am.
As I’ve matured and reflected (and navigated a fair few crises points along the way!), I’ve realised that ‘fitting in’ no longer holds the same importance as it once did. I am a far happier person following my own dreams. However, my anxiety is still there…perimenopause is making sure of that! I am learning how to cope with it so it doesn’t spiral out of control too often – but, when it does, I now have some techniques available to turn it around quickly.
Firstly, what exactly is anxiety?
The wonderful mental health charity Mind, describes anxiety as follows:
“Anxiety is what we feel when we are worried, tense or afraid – particularly about things that are about to happen, or which we think could happen in the future. Anxiety is a natural human response when we feel that we are under threat. It can be experienced through our thoughts, feelings and physical sensations.”
They also helpfully describe some of the common symptoms that can arise physically and mentally as a result of anxiety here.
I particularly like how Mind describe anxiety as an emotion – something that we ‘feel’. What I find comforting is that emotions come and go – ‘this too shall pass’. Once I recognised this, I became better at noticing, acknowledging, and sitting with my emotions – until they passed. I am now able to say to myself, “Oh yes, I recognise you; you’re anxiety”, and then I can deploy the most appropriate strategy to help it pass on by.
My Strategies for Dealing with Anxiety
Whilst I can’t promise that any of these techniques will banish your anxiety for good, I have personally experimented with all of these approaches over the years, and they certainly help to soften the symptoms. As I continue to use these methods, I have noticed my anxiety lessen and I have many more good days than bad, which I take to be a good sign.
Strategy #1: Do it in threes!
Best friends with anxiety, for me, is overwhelm. It doesn’t take much – a messy house, a quarrel with a teenager, a tight deadline at work, a too-long to-do list – and suddenly the world seems impossible to navigate normally.
When I begin to feel overwhelmed by a situation, task or emotion I simplify – and it works every time! For example, when my house looks like a bomb site (which happens most days with three teenage boys), I chunk down the housework into three simple tasks at a time. I’ll focus on one room and just take three tasks – make the bed, put away clothes, dust the shelves (for example). I then move through the house doing the same thing – just three tasks in each room – and before I know it the house is looking far less scary and overwhelming and I can crack on with my day normally.
It's actually a bit addictive. I’ll probably sound crazy but most of my daily tasks are now undertaken in threes – it’s become a habit. For example, when I am getting ready, I will say to myself – have a shower, get dressed, make bed. Once they’re completed it’s on to the next three – perhaps, tidy round upstairs, walk dogs, make breakfast…and so on. Obviously, it changes depending on my day, but I really do find that ‘chunking down’ in this way reduces the anxiety and overwhelm and makes me much more productive – and, perhaps, slightly bonkers!
Strategy #2: Get outside
I don’t know if this comes with having three highly energetic boys spaced just two years apart or if it’s an instinctive thing but, if life gets too overwhelming, I try and get myself outside pronto. When the boys were younger and full of fun and mischief, the house felt small and suffocating so we spent most of our time outside either in the garden or local parks. I still feel this pull even though they rarely join me now and, if I’m feeling stuck, down or overwhelmed, a brisk walk with the dogs will always clear my mind.
A great tip - instead of meeting a friend for dinner or drinks; suggest a walk. It’s a great opportunity to really connect with one another, you get all of the physical benefits of the exercise and Vitamin D boost and it helps lower feelings of anxiety – win, win and win!
Strategy #3: Find space
Think of this strategy as small acts of kindness – giving yourself permission to find time or ‘spaces’ just for you. For me, this could mean taking myself off to my craft room for a few hours to sew, or going back to bed with a cup of tea to read my book in peace, or sinking into a too-hot Epsom salts bath.
It’s also the time I carve out for myself to study, learn a new skill, or just catch up on a new Netflix series. And it’s so important. Life can often get messy, chaotic and noisy – so finding space in the chaos to just put yourself in a cocoon of loveliness, even for a short time, can work wonders.
Strategy #4: Exercise
In tandem with the ‘getting outside’ strategy – exercise is a constant in my life to combat anxiety. I find that without it I can get very down – fast – and need to be extra kind to myself when injury or illness does prevent me from moving.
Running (well, walking/jogging – wogging?) is my go-to – it ticks so many boxes for me – I can get outside, there are no barriers (time, cost, equipment, etc), I can go with a friend, it can be competitive (or not) and it’s always my best thinking time. Yes, it is demanding on my ankles, knees and hips, but my other exercise love (Pilates) mostly fixes all of that.
Team sports are also supposed to do wonders for mental health – sadly, I’m more likely to be hit on the head with a ball than catch it – but if you are a whizz on the netball or tennis court or fondly reminisce about school sports on the football or rugby pitch, then you should check out your nearest club/team!
Strategy #5: Practice Reiki
The rather lovely thing about Reiki is that you can give yourself a treatment whenever you like! Often my anxiety visits just as I am settling down to sleep; my brain clicks into overdrive and begins to over analyse the events of the day or catastrophise about events yet to come – very annoying and not great when you’re trying to wind down. My solution to this situation is Reiki. I’d like to share my technique with you as there is no reason why this shouldn’t work for everyone and it can be adapted if necessary:
Step 1: Lay in your most comfortable position (mine is on my back with my legs separated slightly).
Step 2: Place one palm over your heart and rest one palm on your stomach.
Step 3: Take some slow, deep breaths. Try breathing in through your nose for a count of four and exhaling softly for a count of four through your mouth. Repeat until your heart rate begins to slow and you feel more relaxed.
Step 4: Visualise your crown chakra (located slightly above the top of the head) and focus on this area for a minute or so, you may begin to feel a tingling sensation across your scalp (although this doesn’t always happen). Visualise your crown chakra opening – I like to think of it as a sliding car roof window!
Step 5: Summon/imagine pure white light descending from above and entering your open crown chakra. I normally say (in my mind) something like this, directed towards the Universe, or God: “Please connect me to beautiful, healing white light so that I may feel the healing benefit. I promise to use this light only for the highest good. Thank you”.
Step 6: I then visualise white light radiating through my whole body, starting at my crown and circulating through to my feet.
Step 7: Lay with this light and feel the warmth through your hands over your heart and tummy area. I always fall asleep during this step, so just stay like this until you feel calm and comfortable.
Strategy #6: Breathe in a square
Square Breathing (also known as Box Breathing) is a well-known technique to quickly calm the nervous system and decrease stress in your body. It’s easy to remember, which is why it’s a firm favourite of mine when anxiety hits overdrive. When I become overly anxious, I can feel my heart racing, my breathing becomes erratic, and my thought process is all over the place. Square breathing is a simple but powerful relaxation technique that helps to return your breathing pattern to a relaxed rhythm and can clear and calm your mind, improving your focus.
Here’s how to do it:
1. Breathe in, counting to four slowly. Feel the air enter your lungs
2. Hold your breath for 4 seconds (in the inhale)
3. Slowly exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds
4. Hold your breath for 4 seconds (in the exhale)
5. Repeat steps 1 to 4 until you feel re-centred
You can do this wherever, whenever – before a job interview, before walking into a busy room, after a stressful event, if you’re having trouble sleeping – at any point you feel overwhelmed or out of control.
Strategy #7: Explore crystals
I’ve been experimenting with crystals for a few years now. Firstly, they are just unspeakably beautiful and are a joyous thing to touch and admire. Secondly, they bring with them their own healing attributes. I haven’t learnt nearly enough as I’d like to about crystals and their uses, but I am naturally drawn to green crystals and have bought a couple that I keep with me to calm my nerves if anxiety strikes when out and about.
For me, car journeys are problematic – especially as a passenger. It’s when my anxiety kicks in full throttle and, if I’m not careful, I can spend the entire journey a sweaty mess and fearing for my life – not a great experience for the driver either! By carrying my worry stone and practicing square breathing, I can bring myself back to the present quickly and ease my anxiety symptoms.
If there are certain situations that bring about your anxiety symptoms then I would highly recommend researching crystals, especially those you are instinctively drawn to. My ‘go-to’ crystal is a Jade worry stone. As it turns out, Jade was a perfect choice as it is known to have healing properties weighted towards restoring emotional balance and bringing control to your daily routine.
Strategy #8: Use flower essences
Another quick fix I often turn to is my trusty flower essence elixir! I found this brand that works for me and the ‘Focus, Energise, Create’ blend is the perfect pick-me-up for when I have a deadline due or am struggling with overwhelming ‘brain fog’. The good old fashioned Rescue Remedy is also a good back-up and I swear it was this that finally brought me success in passing my driving test (after 5 attempts!).
Strategy #9: Cherish your friendships
I am blessed with a wide network of dear friends that have ‘had my back’ from childhood through adolescence, motherhood and all the bits in between. My social circle has ebbed and flowed throughout the years but I have cherished every friendship – whether for a reason, a season, or a lifetime - and treasure the kindness, wisdom and laughter that every interaction brings.
Whether it’s a ‘date night’ with my husband, a run (ahem…see earlier note) with a jogging partner, a night away with school friends, gasbagging with my sister, or having a family catch-up over a Sunday roast, the friendships I have loved and nurtured over the years make me truly happy.
My friends and I have created space for one another in our busy lives, which work well for us, so I thought I’d share some of our solutions here, as they are a sure fire way of keeping my anxiety at bay:
Meeting for a dog walk before work
Combining exercise with a catch-up – a jog, gym session or Pilates stretch is always better with a friend
Going out for dinner on a week night – Tuesdays seem to work for us!
Meeting groups of friends for a long walk/brunch on a Sunday
Come Dine with Me – creating a restaurant at home and taking turns can alleviate some childcare issues (for the host anyway) and is often far less expensive
Girls’ night in!
As you can see, a lot of these are home-based or take place outside, which can ease a lot of the anxiety of social occasions for me.
Another top tip I have is to drive – if I have some control over the situation – i.e. I know that I can safely get home, whenever I want, I can relax and enjoy myself far more easily with zero ‘hang-xiety’ in the morning.
So that’s it – I feel like I should have made it 10 tips for neat-ness, but this feels long enough!
Thank you if you have read this far, and I truly hope that some of my strategies work for you. I’d love to hear how you manage stress and anxiety in your life, so please do comment below if you’d like to.
With love and best wishes,
Clare
Note: If you are struggling to cope with anxiety symptoms on your own, then there is no shame in seeking professional help. Whilst these strategies are a great first step, if you find that you are still frequently overwhelmed and it is affecting your everyday life, then some useful links for finding help can be found here.
I love this Blog Clare- there is so much useful information here - I will definitely take on the chunking chores or tasks into 3s idea - and 9 tips is a multiple of 3 so that feels tidy to me!